stuck in the kiddie pool August 31, 2008

Lately, I haven’t been able to construct any kind of interesting blog entry. I have some semblance of a good excuse; classes started last week and my days were hectic to the exclusion of any productive writing. But the other reason I offer to my two or three readers is that I feel as though I am stuck in the kiddie pool when it comes to writing. Thinking, now, that’s another matter; I’ve been scuba diving in the deep end for some time. Unfortunately, few to none of those musings make it to the Internet due to my inept translations from ThoughtSpeak into English. Here, in the written world of anonymity, I am standing knee-deep in the shallow end clutching my inner tube and praying nobody dunks me.

Why do you want to swim, then?

My thoughts matter, too. I have so much to talk with you about… I had to open an outlet or I might have gone mad in silence.

Just jump in! No one is going to judge your work.

Ah, but therein lies the key. No one is going to judge my work, but what about me? I must forever be on my guard to ensure that everything I say is edifying to the hearer (or in this case, the reader). Care must be taken so that I do not misrepresent myself or my Master, even if only to an occasional blog-surfer.

As an example of inaccurate translation:

I am head-over-heels in love with a Mississippi State junior. We have been together for over five years now and may get married once he graduates. He is the man in my dating scene. In my eyes he is quite handsome because of all his attractive personality traits and his upright character. Those attributes are clearly marked in him; he is a very unique individual who is not afraid to be who he is in Christ and to share that with others. I always tell him how “hot” this makes him and it has become a half-jest between us. So a couple of weeks ago, I obtained this shirt from his university bookstore:

It makes sense, doesn’t it, after what I just told you. But the casual observer may believe something entirely different. These five words convey a sense of the shallowness and promiscuity which pervade our culture; they say, “If you’ve got the looks, here’s my number.” Not at all what I meant.

So here I am, stuck in the kiddie pool. Would anyone care to give me a swimming lesson?

we’ve earned a little rest August 22, 2008

Supple jersey knit sheets slip over smooth clean skin after ten sunsets smothered in sweat, sunblock, and bug spray. For these two weeks, there is no better feeling at the end of the day. Condensation dripping incessantly from the window unit soothes my mind after thirteen hours of speaking playing humming whistling singing drumming practicing memorizing marching music. Silence is no longer golden; it’s platinum. Two ibuprofen to ease the soreness in the limbs, several minutes of slow stretching to loosen myself up enough to relax. No more twenty-something pounds of drum warping my erect posture into a slouch… is this heaven?

No, really.

Yesterday D. Gavin delivered the morning devotional. He spoke of setting our burdens–all of them–at the feet of Christ.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28:30

Jesus gives us this promise of rest, relief, and refreshment. All we have to do is to come to Him and relinquish all of our baggage. To liken this feeling unto setting down a drum on the sidelines for a water break is to do it a severe injustice. Not only is that rest insufficient for our needs, but we know that soon we must return to our toils. But by giving over our worries wholly to the Great Physician, we are no longer troubled by them, but can rejoice in the knowledge that He has healed us.

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be [truly] healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.” -Jeremiah 17:14

business vs. busyness August 18, 2008

Did you hear that? Six days just roared by without the slightest warning, and here I am still trying to catch up on the first one. Each rotation of the earth found me conforming to the same basic schedule: get up, eat, drum, eat lunch, drum, eat dinner, and try to bring a semblance of order to my living space. And although I am extremely busy with all of the band activities, I don’t feel swamped. It may seem that way; I’m practicing for hours outside of full rehearsal (when I’m not showering) and I haven’t even had time to pull together a decent blog post. But in addition to all of that, I am still on an urgent mission to “Preach the Word! Be ready in season and out of season” (2 Timothy 4:2).

When Jesus’ family went to Jerusalem for the Passover, He lingered there to speak with the scholars in the temple. His parents were worried sick about Him when they didn’t find Him among their relatives after a day’s journey, so when they found Him they chastised Him for lingering. His response describes what we should all be doing: “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” (Luke 2:49) Verse 50 says that Mary and Joseph didn’t understand that statement, meaning that they had no clue what His Father’s business was. In the same way, many do not understand how they can be witnesses within the platforms of their everyday activities. Stereotypically, Christians believe that they must get the unbeliever to come to church and see for themselves how much better it is than what they previously did. But that doesn’t work. In order to win souls for Christ, we must be willing to go about our Father’s business wherever we are. For me right now, it is band practice. Where is your mission field?

a few words about money August 6, 2008

401(k)s, IRAs, mutual funds, money market accounts, CDs, savings bonds, even basic savings accounts. What do they have in common?

They grow your money. And then you spend it.

What’s so important about having money, anyway? It’s something you work for and scrape together and hoard so you can spend it at one time or another, or so your children and grandchildren can spend it later on. Why worry so much about getting something you only want to get rid of?

A conversation that Beloved and I have had many times focuses on dispelling the absurd notion that we have to be ridiculously frugal and try our best to save as much money as we can. I know he is right when he says that being at home to invest in a solid family life is more important than financial luxury, so it is not necessary to work forty hours a week and be gone all day every day in order to be successful. (Not to mention that he and I are both entering well-paying fields, so even working only thirty hours a week apiece should allow us to live comfortably.)

Your success in life is directly proportional to the amount of time you spend with the lord. I say ‘lord’ with a lowercase ‘l’ because you will be successful with whatever you choose to set up as the lord of your life. -Sunday School 2006 – 07

The world would have me say that success is accumulating stuff. Beloved and I believe that success runs more along the lines of following God, which includes raising a Godly family. If we lived according to the first principle, we would be letting each other down and failing to be the kind of parents we need to be. But by following the latter, we strengthen our family while still providing for it. As long as we live within our means, it won’t matter how grand or diminutive those means are.

I believe him, but part of me still has trouble relinquishing control of the monetary planning process. I admire his perspective; my hope is that I will be able to rid myself of the American ‘Twelve Steps to Wealth’ outlook on life and see it the way Beloved does. Better: I should want to see it the way God would have me see it. I am just a steward of the blessings He has given me, not the sole owner. Ultimately, He has a plan for me, and He will ensure that I am in a position to complete it, spiritually, physically, and financially.

“And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified…” (Romans 8:30)

“…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

sore feet and hard feelings August 1, 2008

Today has been one of the more significant weekend-beginners that I have experienced this summer. It was the last day of band camp for one of the private academies in the county next door, and thus the last day of my first teaching experience. As the only staff member besides the band director himself, I was pulling double duty by guiding the field commander in conducting the music, calling out commands, etcetera; all the while leading the percussion section toward playing their halftime show music and learning a cadence. After one week, two things remain on my mind: sore feet and hard feelings.

Either my feet are not what they used to be, or I need new marching shoes, or I just have to force myself to assume a more correct posture in order to take pressure off my arches. I have been finished with camp for two hours now and I still feel every heartbeat in my soles. I have one week in which to resolve this issue; on August 10th I report to my own band camp, this time as a student. I will not have the luxury of sitting down whenever I feel the need to, nor will I be allowed to set my drum on the sideline when my back starts to feel the strain of a twenty-pound snare. Oy vey, this could be a long two weeks of camp ahead of me.

I wonder what those drummers really think of me. I asked them today how I was doing as an instructor, and they gave me feedback such as:

“You’re nice about getting us to play our music, but you tend to get mad when we don’t practice.”

Well, this is true. I try to be sensitive to the fact that yelling and screaming won’t make them want to work (I’ve been on both the receiving and the giving end of that notion; neither is pleasant). However, I did ask them to go home and work on places in the music they had trouble with. During section rehearsals I gave each of them individual help in how to get through tricky spots and tough stickings, but there was only so much I could do during those four hours each day. Granted, camp did last twelve hours each day, but an extra half-hour of practice on their own time was not too much to ask, was it? At any rate, I gave the mini-lecture about the difference between “practice” and “rehearsal” (one being on an individual basis and the other being a time to piece everyone’s parts together)–twice.

So… it is difficult to find the balance between having your students like you and getting work done. I was patient because I wanted them to like me. I only raised my voice in anger once all week, and that was only for a few seconds to get their attention and refocus them on the task at hand. Yet I wonder how much we could have accomplished if I had spent less time chit-chatting between repetitions. They may have been able to simultaneously mark time and correctly play the music. They may have learned some of the finer points of drumming and improved their technique. So many things they may have been exposed to, but I did not think myself capable of teaching them because of my inexperience as an instructor.

I will try not to beat myself up over this too much because that won’t produce any growth. But this week has been one of the best arguments I’ve seen for improving myself so I can lead others. That said, it’s off to the practice pad with my Ralph Hardimans and the Paul Rennick exercise packet.